in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
