Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
