I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize