could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
