just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
