make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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