If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
