people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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