WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
