At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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