i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
