this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
