I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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