I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
