take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
