I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this beer tastes like vomit already
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
