Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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