you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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