so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
