Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize