I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
