Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
