Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize