I think I died a long time ago.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
