just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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