Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
