I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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