I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
