for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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