so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize