where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
