that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
