Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
