i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're like the curious george of whores
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize