Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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