dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
