I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
