im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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