She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize