Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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