dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
