I could have mohawked her pubes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
