i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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