yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
