i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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