90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
