you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
