Sry I called you an 8
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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