You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize