I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
