Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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