aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
