at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
