we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
