u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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