My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
