I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
