Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
