there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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