The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
