let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
