We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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