Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
