my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
