i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
