i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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