I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
