I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize