with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
