My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
